We hate Riley

You know you hate Riley when.....
List Number 1
1. You've never been to Iowa, but you're sure you hate it
2. Whenever you see a cow, you think of him, then swear silently
3. When your friend mentions that she/he likes cheese, you give him/her an evil glare
4. You have a newfound hate for anything military
5. You've mutilated your little brothers GI Joe dolls, all 50 of them
6. You skip all of the readings on Chapter Nine
7. You not-so-silently curse anyone that resembles him, even strangers on the street
8. You've banned peculiar from your vocabulary
9. You regard all teaching assistants with extreme additude, just because.
10. You've bought lilacs at the florists' and watched them die, slowly, surely...
11. When he comes on screen you cringe, then yell obscenities at the tv, positive he can hear you
12. Turn to WWF during Riley/Buffy kissage
13. You Read Top...17 lists like this one, and they amuse you to no end.
14. In a battle you cheer for the demon
15. You're convinced he's INBRED
16. You're in all the "Death To Riley" fanclubs
17. You start writing b/a fics and riley-bashing fics for theraputic reasons ( I Know I Have )

List Number 2
1.You'll castrate the bastard if he says, "Iowa, born and raised" ONE more time.
2. When Riley enters a room, everywhere else gets just a little bit brighter.
3. You fantasize about putting a real chip in Rileys brain and controlling him. Your first task? Since he likes driving so much, you'd drive him off a cliff!
4. You wish HE was in the coma instead of Faith. Hell when you see him on screen, you yourself wish you were in a coma.
5. You think the Innitiative is stupid for not using those behavior modification drugs to give Riley an actual personality
6. You would kill to take that damn scarf and choke him with it.
7. You hope that Riley goes to L.A. and gets burned alive by Jhierra. Then, Jhierra dies from the disgustingness of touching Captian Farm Boy. Two Birds with one stone.
8. You have a picture of the Riley Finn in your room....that you use as a dart board.
9. The thought of Riley actually beating up anyone makes you collapse on the floor in a fit of giggles, and then makes you wanna kick his pansyass yourself.
10. You've named your dog "Riley" JUST so you can constantly say, "Riley's a bitch!" without getting crap from your parents.

List Number 3
1. You fantasize about tearing out his ribcage and wearing it as a hat.
2. Youve learned to say, "Riley is a wussyman" in english, french, spanish, chinese, german, armenian, latin, pig latin, mandarin, korean...
3. Your parents/roomates have left anger management pamplets on the kitchen table, after hearing you scream bloody murder at the T.V. during the Riley/Buffy humping sequences (gag at the thought)
4. Your convinced his love for Maggie Walsh went above and beyond the student/mentor relationship
5. You scream like a teenybopper whenever he gets punched in the face by a demon, which is like, 20 times per episode.
6. You just know he fantisizes about having a secret orgy affair with the Backstreet Boys
7. You are considering tattooing "Death To Riley, Buffy and Angel forever" on your ass in the summer, then going to Joss' house and mooning him
8. You want Riley to get together with Tonya Harding so he can get his ass kicked a couple times over
9. You want to get your hands on his mutilated body and put it in your dining room because you think it would make a wonderfully horrible conversation piece

Riley's shrine to Bessie!!

Well, you're probably wondering who Bessie is, well I'll fill you in...Well, Riley comes from Iowa, and in his childhood he had a childhood sweatheart. Her name was Bessie, she was a cow. It's very romantic. The one and only true story of forbidden love, move over Buffy and Angel..here comes Bessie and Riley.

So they spent a lot of time togther, frolicking besides the cow pats Bessie had made out of her excitement of being with Riley, in the grassy meadows. It was true love, Riley even wrote her a poem...

Bessie, oh Bessie ... you make my head messie
You make my head spin,all I can think of you is sin

Bessie dear oh Bessie dear.. what would i give to have you near..
but oh in far iowa you must stay
and ma not agreed my ticket to pay!

Bessie dear oh Bessie dear
what would i give to hold you near
your soft mushy eyes
you salty furred skin
against the soft mount of my.. Ma won't want me to say these words its a sin!

Bessie my sweet love cow
I'm sorry but people want me dead now
You're so lonely without me in the meadow
and oh dear, you soon be a widow

Promise to me you won't give your love to another
It's your child I wanted to father
But Bessie darling my life are over
Even though my love for you shall remain forever
And one day we'll be together

And even in my grave
I'll try to be brave
You see, my girlfriend had sex
with no other but her ex
Their love is stronger than my life
Besides, I never told her you're my wife

Bessie dear, Oh please forgive me *wipes a tear*
I should have never gone to Sunnydale
And for eternity I shall rot in hell
At least I'm still wearing your bell!

Bessie, oh Bessie you make my head so messie
You make my hands sweat, you make my pants get wet (*I´m sooo sorry*)
What would I do without you dear, just the thought of you makes it clear
No woman could ever be compared to you, you´re my real love, making
MUUUUUH

WEll this tale is not as happy as it may seem. Bessie wanted to be a famous actress, but Riley could not bare to see her go. BUT then Riley left for Sunnydale, as the poem goes. So
Bessie decided to follow her dream....

Here she is in her 'porno' movie. Look away kids...

So anyway, Riley leaves Buffy in season 5 (technical reason cos he was sleeping with female vamps) REAL reason cos he's been sleeping with Bessie nad he's going back to Iowa for her. LOOK I got proof...

Kinky, much?

Sooo what does the future hold? Well, I got one idea, and by the way, I wish these guys all the best for the future!!

Ahhh what the hell, here's some more funny lists!! (just for the pure glee of the bashingness of it!!)

Top 10 things we would love to hear Buffy telling riley:

10. what's up with your hair?
9. your nose job didn't wo.. oh you didn't have one? oops me bad..
8. i'm in love with a vampire who is a million times smarter and sexier
than you, so um.. bye.
7. riley look out behind y... whoops, too late..
6. you.. you're not human!
5. EWWWWWWWW!!! oh riley, thats just you..
4. the sex wasn't that great.. actually it really sucked
3. i don't love you. i don't even like you! willow cast a spell on me..
2. what?? you're dumping me for a COW???
1. Do you have a last wish before i stake you??

Top 10 things you can overhear in the Finn clan:

10. Oink oink
9. Ma can I have more cheese pretty please?
8. riley, go milk Rosie
7. I am a lesbian. No I don't mean that. Actually yes, I think I mean that!
6. riley, did you use MY tampons again?
5. Ma the kids at school called me fishboy and beat me up
4. riley don't hide, Ma didn't really mean she will cut your hair!
3. Yay! I got another Grant Wood Painting!
2. Ma, can I take Bessie out on a date? I promise we'll be back by 7. Please? I've
never courted any cow like Bessie before!
1. riley, get off Bessie right now and do your homeworks!

Top 10 things you will NEVER hear at the Finn household

10. Drugs are bad
9. I hate cheese
8. Kids, let's have hamburgers tonight
7. Ma I used the new shampoo you bought me
6. I don't wanna milk Rosie
5. riley, will you go out with me on a date?
4. Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I was late for church because I had an
appointment to the barber
3. Woah, I just had a spontaneous conversation!
2. Who the hell is Grant Wood?
1. Bessie, I'm not up to it tonight.

Top 10 titles for a riley centered spin off:

10. G.I. Lilac
9. The Bessie and riley show
8. Miss Piggy pink avenger
7. Babe 3 - Lost in Iowa
6. The Finnian Bunch
5. riley McCheese
4. The Finny Farm
3. Teenage mutant fish commando
2. I love Bessie
1. When B/A shippers attack

Top 10 fishboys cliches:

10. If you fall in love make sure it's with the heroine
9. If you are a normal guy by day and wants the heroine, you must be a demon hunter at night
8. If the heroine reject you the entire episode, be sure she'll come and kiss you at the end
7. If your girlfriend calls you a bigot, make sure you save her unnatural friend to prove to her you changed
6. If you hurt your friends, don't worry, they won't be pissed at you because you're not a vampire
5. Make sure to hit the guy who used the heroine to win a few points
4. Make sure you rescue the heroine's best friend from a car to win some more points
3. When you get hit on the head with a few heavy psychology books, you just say "ouch", make a funny comment about it and continue as usual.
2. If you suffer from drugs withdrawal, don't worry, it will go away within a short time and leave no effect on your strength and/or skills even if the drugs induced them
1. If you have a chip in your chest, dig it out with your bare hands stand up and start fighting as usual

Top 10 things riley could do to help mankind:

10. if theres ever a shortage in rope, we could beat the shit out of him, cut his hair and sell it
9. if there's ever a new experiment in genetic engeeniring, he could be their guinea pig.. heck he
already looks like one
8. if satan ever comes to earth to claim our souls, we could sacrifice riley first.
7. if there's ever a shortage in oil, we could cut off his head and squeeze the grease from his hair.
6. if aliens ever invade earth, we could put riley in front of them, they'll squeal and run away (hopfully take him
with them too)
5. he could pretend to be taylor hanson after hitting puberty, therefor, no one will ever want to listen to their
music ever again and they vanish.
4. He'd make parents think twice about practicing abstinence... or at least a very STRONG form of birth
control. Hence saving the world from population explosion.
3. he could put an end to all wars in the world. just one look at him and they all will join forces against him- fight
for a common goal.
2. you could serve him for dinner for poor homeless people on chritmas eve.
1. he could die